Thoughts on Marriage as Ministry

Today, I was having coffee with a friend of mine, and she asked me why anyone would want to get married when everyone secretly knows that marriage is one of the hardest and most self-sacrificing commitments you will ever make in your life? And she also wanted to know why people make this commitment knowing that the person they marry is flawed and therefore unable to satisfy them completely. She also added that if they do not know that their significant other is flawed before marriage then they are kidding themselves. And if I am being honest with myself, and the broken world around me, then her question is a really good one.

A Christian woman told my friend that she was right -- marriage is very, very hard and constantly a reminder to you of how flawed you truly are. But, this woman had learned, through her marriage, that self-sacrificing love is actually the most fulfilling, purposeful and life-giving love anyone can ever experience. I would have to agree with this anonymous woman and her thoughts, on marriage. They excite me!

You see, my girlfriends questions did not go far enough. They were honest questions, and I appreciate that, but the question that she should be asking and the one that I think she is asking herself deep down is: What is God's purpose for marriage?

I am fairly confident that the purpose of marriage is to lead us into a greater understand of who Jesus Christ is and what he has done for us by giving his life on the cross. Within marriage we are also going to learn to need Jesus more than anyone else as our ultimate source of strength, hope and love. We are going to have to learn how to take up our cross and follow him into a life of giving to another person, above ourselves. This is why we get married; to learn to love another above ourself.

One can only achieve this when the gospel of Jesus Christ becomes real in our lives, and it must become realized through marriage, as well. Is this not what Christians want? Marriage is such a living, breathing picture of who Christ is and what he has done for us. Marriage, through Christ, becomes more purposeful and beautiful because it is just one more chance to learn how to live like Jesus and proclaim his message to a lost world through our unconditional love and commitment to one another above ourself. I am no fool, marriage will be hard – it will demand a lot, a cross even, but it excites me that Jesus Christ has called me to so great a ministry of love to another and ultimately to the world in which we live.

Marriage is a ministry that proclaims the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the world.

The Great Love of God

I wanted to share some thoughts with you that have so moved me I cannot help but exclaim them to you! I love you all...

I met with Dr. Zuber, one of my Moody professors, today for breakfast and initially I did not want to get up and go at 7 in the morning. But, I did and I am really glad that I did. Because today we talked about God's love and how in the Bible there is a very real sense that God loves some people more than he loves others. Consider your life compared to the homeless drug addict you find on the street. Some would say he or she deserves that life, right? However, I realized while we were talking today that God must love me a lot more than I often am willing to give him credit for. It is because of God's love that I am not living as one of the worst of sinners. Truthfully, it is because of God's love that I am not a drug-addicted prostitute myself. If I was left to my own desires and devices that is most likely where I would be; if I am being really honest. Sure, I would often like to think that I have played a role in my successes. I would like to believe that there is something morally excellent and praiseworthy within me that has kept me from such horrible things, but, if I am being honest I know that that is pridefully untrue. This something inside of me that likes to believe that my life is because I have "chosen correctly" and in some sense earned God's love. I like this because it sheds me in a really good light and makes me feel good about myself, and often time more importantly it makes me feel like I am better than other people. But, I did not even chose my family of origin or place of birth. Wow! the great love of God that is forever providing for a sinner like me. Always extending the invitation into intimacy and sweet surrender. His love goes ever before me...

I want to know and experience more of God's love! This whole idea moves me away from my pride and into a deep place of humility and unworthiness. The Great King of both heaven and earth has chosen to love me in such a way, that even though I deserve death and hell because if my sins in both thought and action, God would instead give me: health, food to eat, nice clothing to wear, money to survive on, a family that loves me, parents that sacrifice for me, friendships that challenge, edify and encourage me, an education, a safe place to live, a man who loves me and wants to spend his life with me, salvation, forgiveness, hope, peace, restoration -- all because of his great love! I couldn't possibly have chosen this for myself. Wow!

Jesus Christ will forever worthy of all my life and all my adoration because my God has given me grace upon grace, and the only question I have now is... Who am I?

Philippines 3: 1-9

verse 1 -

Delight yourself in the Lord and continue to rejoice that you are in Him (found to be his chosen and elect child).

verse 3 -

For we Christians are truly saved, we worship God in spirit and by the Spirit of God and exult and glory and pride ourselves in Jesus Christ alone(The Christian life is not dependent on what I do and my actions but in who I worship and place high in my life), and we put no confidence in the flesh and on outward privileges and physical advantages and external experiences.(There is no gain or reward in these things, because they have been given by God's grace alone, we have not earned them.)

verse 4 -

Though for myself I had grounds to rely on my flesh...(i.e. my personal successes, social and physical advantages and achievements)

verses 5-7 -

Baptized when I was 7 years old, from the wealth of the Caucasian race, born in the United States of America, a church-goer and a daughter of church-goers, as to the observance of the law I was a legalist. As for my zeal, I was a willful hypocrite within the church and by the peoples and laws standards of righteousness I was considered the best of Christians. But whatever former things I had that might have been gain (i.e. areas of pride) for me, I have considered them all loss for Christ's sake.

verse 8 -

Yes, furthermore I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him (my position to Christ). For his sake I desire the loss of everything (that I have pridefully considered my earned and deserved gain) and consider it all to be mere rubbish, in order that I might gain Christ, the goal.

My prayer: verse 9 -

That I might actually be found and known as in Christ not having any self-achieved righteousness that can be called my own, based on my perceived obedience to the rules and legalistic demands (a ritualistic uprightness and a supposed right standing with God that I believe I have earned), but instead possessing that genuine righteousness which comes through faith and utter dependance on Jesus Christ, which is the true right standing with God, which comes from God, by saving faith, as a gift.

Glory to God for the great thing that he has done!

Christ is still sufficiant today

I have been greatly comforted today through a Bible Study that I am doing with several women at my school. I have realized that everyone's pain and suffering is meaningful and substantial to them at that present time in their lives. Whether it be waiting to get married, being single and graduating college seemingly alone, or losing a loved one. I can not judge the severity of another persons pain in comparison to my own, because I will never understand their pain fully. Instead I hope to enter into that pain and try to understand it so that I might bring comfort and encouragement to them in their time of need. That is what Jesus Christ does for me. Rarely does he remove my painful circumstances but instead becomes present with me in them.

I can see that his grace is still sufficient and I find myself overwhelmed by his love and faithfulness to me after I time and again am so horrible to him. He is present still - speaking truth over me. I feel like a harlot. Oh that I might trust his love for me.

Elizabeth Elliot said that suffering is, "having what you don't want, or wanting what you don't have." If you have read my last blog that is where I find myself at this season in my life. Suffering can range in scope and severity, I am certain, but it is still suffering all the same. I was encouraged today to remember that what is good for my sins is good for my sorrows - the grace of God.

"After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." (1 Peter 5:10)
Amen!

Life lived daily on this planet describes the earthly reality of my circumstances. Painful. Lonely. Overwhelming. But there is another side - a heavenly side- a hope that I long to discover. I want to learn that even in the hardest of life's seasons I can actually grow in my awareness of God's presence. That God may become so large in my understanding that other "realities" slip into the background. He offers me himself, his love, his companionship, and his strength -- it is his grace! Is this not what I need? His companionship during this time particularly moves me. I need him near me. So, today I will choose to "Humble myself under God's mighty hand, that he might lift me up in due time. I will cast all my cares upon him because he says that cares for me." (1 Peter 5: 6&7)

The Truth About Me...

I am sick... I am sick of being strong, I am sick of pretending to be happy about something that I am not happy about, I am sick of hearing that it is only a matter of time, I am sick of all the lame comfort people try to give in order to help you get through a hard time when it never really helps at all. I am sick of long distance, I am sick of wedding planning, I am sick of it all.

I am fully aware of my anger and bitterness towards God. It is violent inside of me. It always seems like he cares so little for me in the hard circumstance of life. But, then again - who am I? I hate to feel! Does God even care? Why are you making me wait in pain and loneliness? Why is this my portion? I am so angry at you, God, for making me wait and do things that I have no desire to do! Why do you hold somethings out in front of me, that you know I want, and will not let me partake? I know that I am impatient and selfish. I am well aware. Another confession: I also hate the people who have what I want. I am tired of this - I am weary, broken, angry and depraved. I want to remain in my anger towards you because I want to taste it and let the hatred numb my sorrow. Why is it that in my pain you are silent?!

I am well aware of how sinful this sounds and of how sinful I am so let me take this time to confess the truth about who I am. I am presently a hopeless human being. I constantly lie to protect my self, my image and reputation, and the little sense of control I have over my life. I hate feeling like I have no control -- especially of my pain. I am so consumed with myself that I am the only one I see. Self absorbed and therefore unyieldingly selfish, I am. Also, I am an unashamed gossip. I enjoy talking about others negatively because it makes me feel better about myself. Truthfully - I like my sin. I know what it is (wrong) but it works for me. It makes me feel in control, I can ignore my pain and it give me things to talk about. I am full of pride and self-pity and I do wish this world revolved around me. This is me and this is the truthful condition of my heart.

I feel like I deserve better. I feel like I have served, striven, given, struggled, and been in school for what seems like forever. I have tried to remain positive. I feel like I am not getting to plan my wedding the way that I would have liked to. I miss Texas and can not stand Chicago weather. I feel like I am being punished. I feel like I am missing out on being single, as well as, in being in a relationship because I am stuck in the middle of both. Log-distance is horrible. I am never where I want to be. And all the while I am supposed to "feel so blessed and happy because at least I am engaged." Well, I don't feel that way, so tough! I am lonely, tied and hurting. I am not who I am supposed to be and I am not who I want to be! Good little Christian girl I am not!

What is the point in all this waiting other than to more completely convince me of how unprepared for marriage I really am! All I keep seeing is how horribly selfish and sinful I am - oh, JOY! And now as if it could not get any worse I get to get married and bring all my crap into a marriage with someone else - So sorry for my fear and lack of excitement! This feels like a death sentence. What am I doing to myself and my fiance? I must be nuts -- who in the hell believe that I can actually do this!-- What was I thinking.

This is me...

Repent

All through the New Testament God's call is to repentance --

The Greek word metanoeo, translated as repentance in the New Testament means "to change think differently about something or to have a change of mind."

So, my thoughts on this idea bring conviction to me again. I have so often "repented" and ask God to forgive me of my sins because as a Christian I know that I should do so. But honestly, I often times never have a change of mind about my sin (ex. lying) I just do not want to get into trouble, or I want to think that I am doing the right thing and therefore keeping God pleased. However, God knows my heart and how I truly feel. Maybe, God himself must bring my change of mind about my sins, or maybe I need to sit in the pain and frustration of my sins long enough to change my own mind. Maybe, I should humble myself and submit to God's word and then my mind will be changed about my sins and then bring me into repentance. Who knows?? The one thing I have realized is that I must have a change of mind concerning sin in order to be truly repentant, as God desires it. Meaning that repentance is a strong change of mind (conviction) that results in a change of my behavior.

• "Repentance is to leave the sin that I once loved before, and show that we in earnest grieve by doing so no more." - C.H. Spurgeon
• "Repentance is hating what we once loved and loving what we once hated." - Jim Elliff
• "There must be a divorce between you and your sins. Not a mere separation, for a season, but a clear divorce." C.H. Spurgeon

God's Love Pursues Us

"Almighty God, you alone can bring into order the unruly wills and affections of sinners: Grant your people grace to love what you command and desire what you promise."

In an interview about Cranmer, Ashley Null summarizes powerfully humanity's problem:

According to the Thomas Cranmer's anthropology, what the heart loves, the will chooses, and the mind justifies. The mind doesn't direct the will. The mind is actually captive to what the will wants, and the will itself, in turn, is captive to what the heart wants. The trouble with human nature is that we are born with a heart that loves ourselves over and above everything else in this world, including God. In short, we are born slaves to the lust for self-gratification. That's why, if left to ourselves, we will always love those things that make us feel good about ourselves, even as we depart more and more from God and his ways. Therefore, God must intervene in our lives in order to bring salvation. Working through Scripture, the Holy Spirit first brings a conviction of sin in a believer's heart, then he births a living faith by which the believer lays hold of the extrinsic righteousness of Christ.